it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
