if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
it hurts more in the daytime
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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