I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
