Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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