Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize