Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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