The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Randomize
