I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize