you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
