Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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