we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
