she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
