Pregnant stripper...not hot.
from now on my penis is your penis
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
