apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
