Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
