I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
