And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
