I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
