Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
