Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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