Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
