I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
