My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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