last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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