Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
it was like eating out sand paper
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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