my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
