ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
