I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
