ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
