I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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