im drinking this country out of the recession.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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