Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
