No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize