on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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