I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
