Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
This show inspires me to have sex in space
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize