I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
