If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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