an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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