This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think my fart just growled at me.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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