he looks like a really good dad on facebook
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize