bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize