Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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