OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
