Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
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