the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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