i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
