I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
