i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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