when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
