I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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