She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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