you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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