So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
