he wants to bone in the snuggie
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Randomize
