I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
