My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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