She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
