I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Go christen that room with your naked body.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
