Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize