How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize