I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
