i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
