Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
