Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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