In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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