My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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