Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize