I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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