WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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