would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
this will be a night to untag.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
