I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
